Cole Garrett: Jackass as Prestige Cinema, The Best Coach in Football Might Be Fired, A New Pandemic...and more
Prestige cinema arrived in a Porta-John this week. Jackass: Best and Last opened at 93% on Rotten Tomatoes, the highest score in franchise history, and critics reached for the word “poignant” to describe a movie whose climax is a robot administering a prostate exam. Kalshi traders spent the week pricing whether a film built to punish the human body could clear the Certified Fresh line at 75%. It cleared it by 18 points.
Comedian Cole Garrett joins Noah to sort out how a 25-year run of groin shots and staple guns ended as the best-reviewed entry in the series, and whether a Tomatometer designed for prestige means anything when pointed at Johnny Knoxville taped into a box and rolled down a flight of stairs.
In This Episode
“Jackass: Best and Last” Rotten Tomatoes score? The only contract on the board that resolved basically live. Kalshi had the finale hovering around 64 to 68% Fresh with the embargo lifting the day of taping, and 75% was the Certified Fresh line. Then the reviews landed and the number went the other way: Jackass: Best and Last opened at 93% Fresh, the highest score in franchise history, beating Jackass Forever’s 86%. Critics used the word “poignant” on a movie built to punish the human body. A film engineered to fail cleared the prestige bar with room to spare. Cole’s take: does a prostate-exam movie deserve Certified Fresh, or did the critics get sentimental about a clip show? The market already answered. The robot cracked 75.
#1 searched person on Google this year? Trump at 18% is the favorite (over Bad Bunny at 15%) having topped Google’s year-end list three years running, with Bad Bunny rising on his Super Bowl moment and Elon Musk the volatile value pick. It measures who broke the most news, not who did the most good.
Mike Vrabel out as Patriots Head Coach by Dec 31, 2026? Polymarket has it near 10% Yes, which is the cleanest work-life split in sports. Vrabel took a 3-14 roster to AFC East champions, a Super Bowl appearance, and a second Coach of the Year, and the only thing that can end him is an off-field affair scandal involving an NFL reporter. His MVP-candidate quarterback went on record calling him a great human being. Best coach in football, the worst couple of months of his life. Cole lets us know what is Dad probably thinks about Mike as a he’s a HARDCORE Pats fan.
A very special King of the Trolls x Cooked in the Comments crossover
New pandemic in 2026? The contract is the internet’s anxiety meter, sitting around 10%, which to a comment section reads as a personal insult. Cole works this one as the comment-section anthropologist, translating every “it’s happening again” reply guy into English and crowning the most unhinged take. Are we buying the apocalypse or selling the cruise ship?
King of the Trolls x Cooked in the Comments
The pandemic segment doubles as a crossover event. Cole reads the doomer-posters, Noah plays referee, and the most deranged comment gets its moment.
About The Spread Sheet
Your comedic entry into what is trending on prediction markets. Hosted by Noah Gardenswartz.
Each week Noah and a guest take the questions the markets are actually pricing, across sports, pop culture, power and tech, and call them. We explain them. We make fun of them. Then we give the verdict: YES or NO.
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